


On Your Own Love Again

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 07:12:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10714722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: When Merrill sees an oddly familiar face in the Alienage, she thinks she has seen a ghost. When a mysterious stranger rescues her and then Hawke, the impossible is revealed to be true. The Grey Warden Mahariel in fact survived the Blight and has been living under a false identity for half a decade. Desperate to hold on to all that was lost, the pair's reunion turns intimate quickly.





	On Your Own Love Again

**Author's Note:**

> This is technically based on a kink-meme prompt but it went so far in a different direction I'm not counting it.

Merrill had first seen her out of the corner of her eye and thought it was someone she once loved. It was only a second glance that made her catch her breath. Her skin might have been the same shade of deep brown, but it was missing the white blood marking of June. Her eyes were green, but her brow was pierced with two rings and her expression was hard. Her black hair was dyed henna-red, long and in short little curls. She was too tall, her breasts and hips too full and large. 

The stranger's eyes met hers and Merrill immediately looked away and sheepishly went into her home. She put away her groceries, feeling foolish. A poor living being was probably made uncomfortable on their first day in the Alienage because some silly girl thought she was a ghost.

It had been five years since the end of the Blight. Five years since a messenger had found their clan in the mountains and pressed a letter into their Keeper's hands. It was Merrill who had read the King's words aloud, the most comfortable with the Common tongue. But when she saw the line that sealed her friend's fate, her mouth grew dry and she was unable to speak.

_It is my deepest regret to tell you that Juin Mahariel did not survive the Battle of Denerim and died in service to her country._

Merrill had refused to believe it for a time. She had only just accepted that she would never see Tamlen again. To lose her only other friend was a loss she thought she could never recover from. It was what had thrown her into her work. She had lost two souls to the tainted mirror. She would cleanse it even if it destroyed her. 

The stranger had not recognized her, had made no indication that Merrill was even vaguely familiar. It was not her Mahariel. It couldn't be. Varric was right. She had been working too hard and needed a break. Maybe a few days camping on the Coast to clear her head. Maybe Hawke would come along as her friend could also use a bit of fresh air. Maybe Isabela too. If she convinced Aveline, it could be a girls' weekend away!

Merrill started excitedly planning the trip, the encounter slipping away. 

***

Hawke left the tavern with Merrill, promising to the crew that she would get her home safe and sound. Hawke was drunk as a skunk, but she figured it'd be a quick trip and then Merrill would be nice enough to let her sleep over.

Both of them were too distracted to see the ambush coming. A pair of raiders, at least one being ex-Templar, jumped them. Hawke was far too drunk to reach her mana and Merrill was silenced from using hers. Hawke swung a few punches and managed to get one out cold. 

"Champion!" 

Hawke turned, seeing the other raider standing near. His hand was tightly around Merrill's throat and he lifted her high into the air.

Hawke put her hands up. "I'm unarmed. Just let her go and we'll call it even."

Out of nowhere, an arrow flew and hit Merrill's attacker between the eyes. The raider fell and Merrill dropped to the ground. Hawke ran to her friend's side, examining her for injuries. Once she could see she was breathing, Hawke looked around to see where the archer was hiding.

"Varric?" She called out.

From the shadows, an elven woman stepped silently into Hawke's view. 

In a vaguely Ferelden accent, she asked, "Is she safe?"

Hawke frowned. "Yeah, she's coming to."

The elf nodded briefly before disappearing again.

Hawke called out. "Hey! Wait! Who are you?"

Merrill started coughing and Hawke helped her to her feet. Hawke rubbed her back, assuring her that she was safe and that everything was fine.

"I think I met your guardian angel," Hawke joked. "This elf girl came out of nowhere, shot him dead, and just left again." 

Merrill looked stunned. "Green eyes. Did she have green eyes?"

"I couldn't tell, sorry," Hawke apologized. 

"Which way did she go?" Merrill demanded. "I need to find her."

"Merrill, I was joking. Come on, catch your breath and then let's get you home."

Merrill's face softened. "Okay...okay we can do that."

Hawke put her arm protectively around her. "You're safe, everything's fine."

***

To Hawke's discredit, it was less than two weeks before she was drunk and stumbling her way to the Alienage. She didn't want to go home and Merrill's was close and warm and safe. 

To Hawke's further discredit, it was less than two weeks before a stranger on the street tried to attack her. This time, Hawke was thrown to the ground and her head hit the stones hard. 

She blurrily looked up, seeing the mugger swing his fist towards her. She managed to roll a bit out of the way, but they pinned her again. She tried to shove them away and was starting to panic until someone pulled them off her and slammed them into a wall. 

Her defender kicked and cursed at the mugger until they fled into the night. Her rescuer turned briefly to scan Hawke over for injuries.

"It's you," Hawke said in surprise. "You're the woman from the other night."

"I thought you were supposed to be a fiercesome mage," the elf muttered, "and yet I find myself once again rescuing you." 

Hawke admitted, "Well, the reputation that proceeds me is a little inaccurate. Thanks for your help by the way. Who are you?"

The elf replied, "A friend and a stranger. You do not need to know more about me than that. You keep Kirkwall safe and I will protect the Alienage. We do not need to have a deeper relationship than that."

Hawke suddenly saw the blood running down the elf's shoulder. "You're hurt. Listen, my friend lives just around the corner. Let me take a look at that before it gets infected. You don't want to weaken your arm."

The elf agreed and Hawke led her to Merrill's house. The elf hesitated on the threshold but went inside without complaint. 

Merrill cheerfully called out from the other room, "Hawke! You made it! Good, I've just put the kettle on and I've got some biscuits straight from the bread oven-"

Merrill froze when she entered the living space, her eyes fixed on the stranger. 

"Oh dear," she whispered.

"Can you cut some bandages?" Hawke asked. "I could use that hot water too."

"It's just a small puncture," the archer muttered. 

"It's a stab wound," Hawke corrected. "And you got stabbed saving me. She didn't even make a peep when he did it, Merrill. She's badass."

Merrill swallowed hard. "She is."

Hawke helped the archer to the couch. "What's your name, friend?"

"Valan," she replied. 

Hawke got her jacket out of the way and cleaned the site with the rags and hot water Merrill provided. Merrill waited anxiously nearby as Hawke used her limited magic to stitch the wound back together. Valan said nothing through the process.

Merrill said quietly, "She should stay here tonight, just to make sure there is no infection."

"Good idea," Hawke agreed, "maybe I'll stay out on the couch-"

Merrill interrupted, "Hawke, I think she might feel overcrowded. I'll get someone to walk you over to Gamlen's. Is that okay?"

Hawke felt both confused and slighted. "Sure, yeah. Just give me a shout if you need anything I guess. I'm fine, by the way."

Hawke found herself scurried outside and given a teenage girl to escort her to her uncle's. She looked over her shoulder at Merrill's house, wondering what exactly she had missed.

*** 

Merril broke into tears. "I knew it. I knew it was you. I thought you were dead," How..."

She sat up, wincing slightly at the pain. Merrill sat down beside her, as close as she dared. The Grey Warden shifted towards her. 

"There was a ritual we could complete to save both our lives," she said. "I agreed but I knew that if anyone knew it would put all of us at risk. So Alistair and I decided that we would say that I died in battle and I would leave Ferelden. I took on a new name, got my marks taken off, and changed my looks. I go by Valan now. I'd prefer if you'd call me that. Juin died in Denerim and it's easier for me to keep thinking like that. Keeps me alive."

"Where did you go?" She asked.

"Tevinter at first," Valan replied. "A lot of elves were sold during the Blight, I intended to get as many as I could back. I spent over four years hunting slavers. My sources told me that the Free Marches were a target and I headed to Kirkwall. I'd been here maybe three weeks when I first saw you. I've been watching out for you since then. I wanted to tell you, but it was safer if you didn't know I was alive."

"You've been alone all this time," Merrill said.

Valan nodded. "It's okay. It's like a hunt. You don't speak for weeks then. Just like that. At least I can do something with my time. Otherwise, I just feel lost."

"Where have you been staying?" She asked.

Valan shrugged. "Wherever I can. I don't sleep much." 

"You should stay with me," Merrill insisted. "I've got plenty of room. You can't just sleep on rooftops and in alleyways."

"If people associate you with me - "

Merrill laughed, "Do you see who my friends are here in the city? I'm involved with all sorts of people all doing dangerous things and most of the time I'm just fine. No one will think twice about me having someone live with me."

Merrill froze when Valan's hand touched her cheek.

Valan murmured, "When I saw you, it nearly took my breath away. I had forgotten how beautiful you were. I was so infatuated with Tamlen that it never occurred to me how gorgeous you were. These past few weeks I've seen your kind heart and your sweet smile and....Merrill, I'm not the woman you knew. I know I'm a stranger and a ghost to you. But I loved you then as one of my closest friends and now...it's like I can't stop looking at you."

Merrill's heart fluttered. "You don't have to say such nice things."

Valan promised, "It's true. You should know that before you ask me to live with you. Because I think if I spend any more time in your presence I will fall deeply in love with you and I can't take another broken heart. Tamlen's death nearly destroyed me. I can't lose you too, not when the Creators have brought us together again."

Merrill kissed her and Valan cradled the back of her head as she pulled her in for another. Merrill sighed happily as Valan kissed down her neck and reached for the strings at the back of her robe.

Merrill gently stopped her. "I..."

Valan apologized, "You're a maid still. I forgot...it has been so long since I have been among my people. Could you forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive," Merrill assured. "I just...I just thought I'd let you know that I'm not going to be any good at this."

Valan said, "We don't have to if-"

Merrill kissed her hard and pulled her to her feet. Valan followed her into the bedroom. They both discarded their clothes easily enough and settled on the bed beside each other. Merrill hesitated and kissed her again. And for a while, that was all they did, adjusting to the feel of the other.

"Do you trust me?" Valan asked.

Merrill nodded and Valan pressed her gently into the sheets before kissing down her body. She spread Merrill's thighs and kissed her sensitive skin. She stroked her outer lips with her thumbs, her mouth a breath away from her sex. She kissed her folds, still stroking as Merrill grew wetter.

By the time Valan slid the tip of her tongue into her, Merrill was panting and gripping the sheets. After a few moments of tentative licks, Valan slipped a finger into her and kissed her clit. Merrill winced and moaned, her body quickly adjusting.

Valan worked the finger in and out of her slowly, painfully slow, and circled her clit with her tongue. Just as Merrill had gotten used to Valan's finger, her lover slid in a second. She was stretched further than she had ever dared on her own before. She thought Valan might tear her in two. 

"Are you okay?" Valan asked.

Merrill pleaded, "Keep going."

Valan sucked on her clit, her tongue darting out enough to flick her lips. Merrill arched her back and cried her name. Her true name. Valan groaned into her and thrust her fingers harder. Merrill clenched around them, shaking. Valan replaced them with her tongue again, coaxing her to her climax. Merrill came hard and she bucked against her, riding her mouth.

Merrill groaned so deep it shocked her, not able to believe such a primal sound could come out of her own body. Valan licked her clit, curling her fingers back inside of her. Her second and third peaks almost overlapped, leaving her vision white and her sex throbbing almost painfully.

Valan withdrew, kissing her trembling thighs. 

"Merrill, you look so beautiful right now," she whispered. "Can I touch myself? I just want to look at you when I come."

Merrill nodded, watching as Valan rubbed her own clit fiercely. Valan kissed her hungrily, her swollen lips tasting of Merrill's pleasure. Valan finished quickly with a satisfied grunt and a smug smile on her face.

She fell onto the bed beside her and stroked her cheek. "How do you feel?"

Merrill said, "Like you should move in so we can do that every night."

Valan grinned and the years that had aged her so seemed to fade a little from her face. Merrill kissed her and snuggled into her.

"I don't care about the danger," Merrill said. "We've both lost so much. Let's hold onto this one thing for as long as we can."

Valan murmured, "I am yours, as long as you'll have me."

Merrill said softly, "Then you're mine forever." 

***

The next morning, Hawke returned to Merrill's to check on her injured rescuer and to figure out what exactly had happened. She went in through the backdoor, only to hear soft moans and Merrill's headboard hitting the wall. Hawke froze and the moans stopped.

"Did you hear something?" Merrill asked breathlessly.

Valan said, "I'll check it out."

Hawke fled and slammed the door behind her.

***

That evening, they were all at the Hanged Man once again. Once again Hawke drank way too much, but this was due to the extraordinary awkwardness of having Valan sitting across from her. Merrill was sitting in her lap, looking like a lovestruck fool. Valan didn't look much more put together, but her stories of heroism in Tevinter made almost everyone around the table instantly like her.

When the night came to a close, Valan and Hawke walked with Merrill to the Alienage. Valan dropped her off at the door with a soft kiss and escorted Hawke back to Hightown.

Once they were out of earshot, Hawke muttered, "You don't have to do this."

"Your magic seems to lessen when you've been drinking," Valan noted. "It also seems that you have been drinking a lot as of late and it is uncharacteristic of you."

Hawke agreed, "Kinda, yeah. I've got a lot on my plate. You know, the whole city relying on you, your mom wanting you to marry a Duke when you're in love with a pirate queen, religious zealots wanting you dead, all that good stuff."

Valan muttered something that sounded like "don't miss that" but when Hawke asked what she had said, the elf just replied, "It is a lot. But there are better ways to cope. In the end, it will only make those hard things harder."

Hawke said suspiciously, "This coming from experience?"

Valan replied, "You might say that."

"Look, I don't mind having you around and all, but I've got to warn you. I know she might not be acting like it right now, but Merrill really is innocent," Hawke said. "You don't know her as well as I do. You hurt her and I hurt you. Understood?"

Valan chuckled, "Of course. I would not raise the ire of Lady Hawke." 

Hawke sighed. "I had to at least say something. She's like a sister to me and suddenly she's shacked up with a stranger. I don't want to lose her."

Valan put her hand on Hawke's arm. "I assure you that Merrill holds you in the highest regard, Hawke. She is devoted to you. All your companions are. It is impressive to have so many with so many differing opinions settle their differences for you. That is not an easy feat."

"It can't last," Hawke muttered. "Eventually someone's going to tell me to shove it."

Valan said, "Once I had a friend who told me we were going the wrong direction and that I was a poor leader. I thought we would come to blows but instead he confided in me that he trusted me with his life. Show them who you are in good times and when trouble comes, they will stand beside you, even when they doubt you."

"I don't think that's going to work with the Qunari," Hawke pointed out.

Valan chuckled, "You'd be surprised."

Hawke glanced over at Valan. "Say...you doing anything tomorrow? I've got to check out some investments on the coast. It'd be nice to have a crack shot to back me up."

Valan smiled. "I think I can manage that."

**Author's Note:**

> You know Merrill's the sort of girl who shows up the second date with a U-Haul if you get my drift. It's basically canon.


End file.
